fragments

i go on walks sometimes, but not the kind that need shoes. i move through a space in my mind where no one notices me and no one needs to. the figures i encounter there exist without fear or shame. they are simply themselves, completely, without performance or apology. it reminded me of something i experienced during ayahuasca ceremonies in brazil: that particular quality of presence where everything carries life and nothing carries judgment. i have seldom found it so completely anywhere else.

one of those figures became the starting point for four works: emrys, pudor, terracotta fragment i, and terracotta fragment ii. all of them came from the same mould.

i worked on the oil-based clay for four to six weeks. chavant nsp, the kind that stays workable, that lets you return and change and push. i was after a particular quality of presence, not a likeness but the feeling of this specific individual i had encountered on one of those interior walks. a reclining nude, head turned to one side, lost in its own world. i modelled from the front only. the back was unnecessary.

when the figure felt right i made a plaster mould. i know my process well enough to work without undercuts, so it came out in one piece. from that mould i made my first porcelain cast, taking it only from the head to the waist. i broke certain areas deliberately and reassembled them with new pieces added. that became emrys. it came out wonderfully and has survived intact.

the second porcelain cast was the full figure. it survived the kiln, but transport began its slow work. over the coming year, each move took something from it. pieces broke off gradually until it had cracked in half. what remained was small enough to use as a glaze experiment. eventually it was gone. i have one photograph of it as it came out of the kiln, before it began its journey back to earth. that is all that remains of it.

at some point during the process i pulled just the pelvis section from the mould and began working on it separately. that is how i work: experimentation is where i find my joy, and the mould was there, so i used it. i added cracks, built up new layers, let it become something apart from the original figure. that piece survived everything. i called it pudor.

the terracotta cast came last, deliberately. had i done it first i would have dirtied the mould and risked the porcelain pieces. with terracotta i used a much thicker layer and it came out clean. i fired it separately and it came out perfect. and then i left it alone for a long time.

we moved to cyprus. the terracotta piece came with us, sitting untouched. i felt it needed something more, some depth the bisque firing hadn't given it. we had a kleftiko oven in the garden, the kind used for cooking traditional cypriot dishes for hours. i had spoken with lee-anne at the maker's space about smoke firing and packed the oven with grasses, pine cones, and citrus peels from the garden. looking back, the grass alone would have done it. but i didn't know that yet.

at the first sound of a crack i felt a wave of disappointment. i had already lost a great deal of work by this point. i push materials as far as they will go and that means i lose things regularly. the losses accumulate. when i opened the oven the piece had broken into four sections.

the pieces were still too hot to touch. i used a stick to push away the ashes and residue, uncovering the pieces slowly. it was then i could see the fragments, and a hint of what the smoke had done to the surface. only after washing them did the marks become fully visible.

the smoke had painted across the face but left the nose and lips clear, as if it had known where to stop. the closed eyes were darkened by it, which i found quietly beautiful. the pelvis section had its own calm. i sat with both pieces for a while, and then began waxing. the wax brought a completion, a finality to the process. it made what was broken feel precious. watching the smoke markings deepen as i worked, a disappointment became something else entirely.

two fragments remain: terracotta fragment i, the face, and terracotta fragment ii, the pelvis, separated by fire, each one complete in itself. the figure i had imagined on those interior walks never made it into the physical world intact. but then, it never does. what arrives instead is something the process made, which is its own kind of truth.

oil based clay figure

the full porcelain figure | 2023 | portugal

emrys | 2023 | portugal

pudor | 2023 | Portugal

fragment i | 2025 | cyprus

fragment ii | 2025 | cyprus